🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?